TOP 10: Stanley Kubrick Characters

I've come to the end of a longer-than-it-should-have-been Stanley Kubrick marathon, and while it might seem tempting to compile a top 10 favorite long takes, musical moments, or craft achievements, I'm kicking off Stanley Kubrick week with the master's top 10 most memorable characters. Not performances, either—that's a different list. This is meant to highlight those men and women—and maybe an object or two—who are burned in my memory. Maybe it's for a standout scene or a dynamite arc. Others gain inclusion for more historical reasons.

One notable omission: Dr. Strangelove himself. This probably sounds quite odd, but something about him makes me feel ill. I think I had a bad dream he was in once, or something. Now, whenever I watch Dr. Strangelove, I can't help but wait for my stomach to start to turn when this maniacal genius comes on screen. As such, I don't care to include him on this list. It's weird, but the truth.

10.) Sherry Peatty (Marie Windsor), The Killing
Here's a case where characters like Jack Torrance, Marcus Crassus, and General Buck Turgidson were left off because this list just couldn't be all-male. And that's not to say The Killing's femme fatale only made the list because she's missing a Y chromosome. On the contrary, she's as good a femme fatale as Phyllis Dietrichson! But perhaps her sex makes her stand out a little. She's the only plausible female candidate here—and the only The Killing cast member considered—but watch that film again and tell me she doesn't deserve this spot. I'll call you a fool.

9.) Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (Lee Ermey), Full Metal Jacket
A little low? Maybe. What I kept coming back to with him, though, is that he rattles off some dynamite dialogue, but doesn't have anything else to do. He plays a very important part in Full Metal Jacket's first half, but that's it. Still, it's hard not to include him, if only for the line "Private Pyle I'm gonna give you three seconds; exactly three-fucking-seconds to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you! ONE! TWO!..." You get the idea...

8.) Private Joker (Matthew Modine), Full Metal Jacket
He beats out his superior because he actually has an arc, and it's a memorable and powerful one. Joker is our window unto war. He's as decent as any other Vietnam War movie character, which makes his moral dilemmas all the more compelling. The film's final scene is a brutal one only because we genuinely care for Joker.

7.) Clare Quilty (Peter Sellers), Lolita
Here's the first taste we got of the magic combination that is Sellers and Kubrick. I vowed, of course, to make this about the character, not the performance, so even taking Sellers' bananas work out of the equation, Quilty rockets onto this list with ease. He's the guy who drives most of the action in the second half of Lolita, and he does so in a stranger way than you'd ever expect.

6.) Professor Humbert Humbert (James Mason), Lolita
Lolita's tragic hero. Though this is the only film of Kubrick's I rated lower than 3.5 stars, it's one in which characters trump all else, and Humbert is one of a kind. So desperate, so pathetic, so creepy, yet so determined and pure of heart.

5.) Alex DeLarge (Malcolm McDowell), A Clockwork Orange
If you thought Humbert was difficult to root for, meet Alex—murderer, thief, and unapologetic rapist extraordinaire.

4.) Barry Lyndon (Ryan O'Neal), Barry Lyndon
Well, he is the only Kubrick character to actually have a movie named after him. He also has the arc of Humbert or DeLarge without the qualities that made those two characters so difficult to embrace. Barry's downfall is driven by excessive ambition and bad luck, not something inherently evil.

3.) The Overlook Hotel, The Shining
Not a person, certainly a character, most definitely one of Kubrick's landmark creations.

2.) President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), Dr. Strangelove
I'm actually shocked only one from Dr. Strangelove made the list. But I kept coming back to Mr. President. He has almost all of the film's best moments, including the gut-busting phone call to his Kremlin-based counterpart.

1.) HAL 9000 (voice of Douglas Rain), 2001: A Space Odyssey
An all-time great movie villain, who has one of film's most strangely tragic downfalls. There were a lot of characters who could have qualified for this list, but no one else is even close to qualified for this top spot. It was HAL's since the first time I watched my favorite film almost ten years ago.