TOP 10: Seinfeld Episodes

I've been on a Seinfeld tear lately for whatever reason, and since I didn't have any posts scheduled for today, I thought it'd be fun to do a quick and totally off-topic top 10.

I wanted to do a favorite episodes list, but didn't want to jump in line with every online writer naming "The Contest", "The Chinese Restaurant", or "The Soup Nazi" as my favorite. So to steal from the Film Spotting playbook, I'm calling this my "Chinese Soup Contest Memorial List" and it'll highlight my 10 favorite Seinfeld episodes that might not be regarded as stone-cold classics. Enjoy!

10.) "The Gum"

The best bits in this season 7 episode are purely visual: Jerry wearing enormous glasses and stumbling around an old moviehouse, George in a King Henry VIII costume, Ruthie Cohen (the Monk's cashier) riding a horse. Yes, it's a little more out-there than some of the show's best, but not too much so, and everything is connected enough that we can forgive the leaps in logic and credibility. And the role reversals are a lot of fun: Kramer with an ulterior motive, George feeling superior to his old nememis Lloyd Braun.

9.) "The Couch"

Such a sensitive issue (abortion) is tackled with such wit. Really taking sides would have been an obvious mistake, but sending up those who boycott something on principle makes sense, and watching Elaine lead the charge out of Poppy's restaurant is a riot, especially with Jerry (ever the instigator) laughing it up at his now empty table. How Poppy managed to pee himself while later sitting on Jerry's sofa without realizing is something I'll never understand, but it's funny, and seeing the inner germaphobe in Jerry come out it is always great. George's subplot (where he invades the home of some strangers to watch Breakfast at Tiffany's) is hacked on a little awkwardly, but it's nonetheless vintage Costanza.

8.) "The Chicken Roaster"

The only post-Larry David episode on the list, this one is super broad, but features one of the best gags of the series. I'm not sure why that Kenny Rogers Roasters sign is so bright, but I love that it sends Kramer and eventually Jerry over the edge. The Freaky Friday-esque role reversal is a classic sitcom trope, but it's aces here. Hard to say whether I liked Jerry as Kramer or Kramer as Jerry more. The Elaine/George stuff is a rock-solid B-story with George's pathetic attempts at getting a second date and Elaine's attempts to outwit a persistent accountant at work.

7.) "The Revenge"

Most of the early stuff, seasons 1 and 2 specifically, is great, but there are few that I'd regard as classics. This, however, is one. It's the beginning of George's slow descent into the cowering weasel that lives at home in season 5, and his scenes with Jerry discussing his new potential careers are fantastic. That George would consider himself a viable talk show host is great, as is Jerry's way of gently letting him down every time he says something asinine. Elaine's role is small here, but her method of pretending to seduce George's boss is awesome. Plus, Kramer gets to stumble around with a bag of cement. I think that's what they call perfection.

6.) "The Pilot"

Oddly enough, this is the only season 4 episode I'm highlighting, despite the fact that it's probably the strongest overall season. I still love watching the "Jerry" pilot finally come into fruition, and the folks they get to play fake George (Jeremy Piven!), Elaine, and Kramer are amazing—especially the fake Kramer and his stolen raisins subplot. I love how Woody Allen George gets in this episode with his fears that God will kill him before he ever finds success. And Elaine's callousness toward her semi-stalker, Russell (the always great Bob Balaban), is quite funny. The Kramer constipation stuff is a bit weak, but his audition to play Kramer on the show is fantastic, and the rest of the episode more than makes up for this one minor flaw.

5.) "The Masseuse"

I think I like this one a lot more than most others, but I think all three major plots are brilliant. First, there's the Jerry stuff with the girlfriend of the week being played by Jennifer Coolidge. She's a masseuse, and he wants nothing more than a massage from her. "I won't submit to forcible massage," she insists, making the parallels to date rape just obvious enough that the joke lands, and subtle enough that it doesn't really offend. Then, there's George's obsession over the masseuse and the idea that a girlfriend of Jerry's must like him. Who cares whether it jeopardizes the relationship he's currently in? Elaine, meanwhile, is trying to convince her boyfriend, Joel Rifkin, to change his name as it's synonymous with one of the worst serial killers in New York history. I'm not sure what's funnier there: Her suggestion of O.J. just months before Simpson is accused of murder himself, or the back and forth between the two bouncing ideas off each other (Remy? Really, Elaine?).

4.) "The Race"

This episode exists, I think, simply as a tribute to Superman. For 5 1/2 seasons, the show threw Superman references out without hesitation, but The Race is on a whole other level of Superman obsession. Jerry dates a woman named Lois and is confronted by his boyhood nemesis, Duncan. You see, for years, Duncan has accused Jerry of cheating in this big race, and though he'll admit his guilt to George, he can't to Duncan, choosing not to run whenever asked. With Lois' job on the line (don't ask), he's forced into action, and the climactic scene is something to behold. It leads to one of my favorite images of the series, when Elaine jubilantly goes in to hug a victorious Jerry, and he shoves her aside (in slo-mo) to embrace Lois. The wink to the camera at the end seals the deal on this one for me. It's clear the cast is enjoying themselves, and so do the viewers. It's wonderful.

3.) "The Fusilli Jerry"

Probably should have been called "The Assman", but I'm sure that wouldn't have flied. Anyway, Kramer's license plate mix-up is an all-timer, and the thought that he'd pass himself off as a proctologist makes it all even better. We meet David Puddy for the first time when he is accused of stealing Jerry's "move." It's really quite a sexual episode with Frank Costanza (my favorite supporting character of the series) accusing Kramer of stealing his move on Mrs. Costanza. It's all preposterous, and in the end, Frank gets some fusilli lodged in a place no one wants fusilli lodged, but all is fine next week, for this is Seinfeld.

2.) "The Pen"

This is the only episode that doesn't feature George, and one of a handful without Kramer, which is fine with me, because as far as I'm concerned, Elaine and Jerry are the two best characters on the show. Why? They're usually so collected, which grounds them a little more than the zanier George and Kramer. Anyway, this episode takes them to Florida where some of the pettiest bickering I've ever seen in my life takes place. The dialogue is so rat-tat-tat, and Elaine's "STELLLLLLA" at the end is another one of my favorite bits of the series.

1.) "The Opposite"

Honestly, this one easily tops everything else the series has ever done. It's just such a perfectly composed plot, full of clever ideas, brilliant callbacks, and enough surprise to hold fans over during the summer (it's the season 5 finale). George's arc over the whole series comes full circle here in a hilarious and somewhat humiliating fashion. Every thought or impulse he's ever had, he realizes, was wrong. If he does the opposite of that, he should be right. It's not the worst idea ever, but it supposes that this man is so incapable of success that he must behave irrationally to get ahead. And it works! His tirade on George Steinbrenner (in his first "appearance") is great, and the Boss' comeback ("Hire this man!") is even better. Of course, karma must play its course, and for every great thing that happens to George, Elaine suffers a setback. She's evicted, loses her job, and gets dumped—most of which happens because of her affinity for Jujyfruits. Jerry realizes this and notes that with one friend down and another one up, he's destined to break even, which is just fine for him. And Kramer? Well, he spits coffee all over Regis and Kathie Lee. I love this show.